Bring on the Banter

The Latest Gomer
The West Wing

“I don’t know. I mean, it’s new, he’s new. But it just seems right, you know?”

Josh stopped in his tracks as he identified the voice that was speaking. Casually walking back a few steps he peered around the corner and instantly spotted her at the coffee cart, casually talking with Bonnie and Carol.

“So you really think that this is the one?” Bonnie asked her excitedly.

Donna’s grin grew larger and she nodded once before being almost tackled by the two women who had lunged at her in their rush to congratulate her with enthusiastic bear hugs.

Josh moved back around the corner out of sight. Who was this new man of Donna’s that had her thinking that he was “the one”? How had he not heard about him before now?

He had always carefully monitored all of Donna’s dates with her gomers’, making sure, that none of them ever got past that second date. Because everybody knew what happened on the third date.

It wasn’t that he wanted Donna to be unhappy. Or that he was jealous in any way. He was protecting her. It was a dangerous world out there and Josh was just looking out for her, just like any boss would for his assistant.

Who was this gomer?

The question remained in Josh’s mind all day, but as Donna prepared to leave that night he couldn’t bring himself to ask who the mystery man was.


The next morning, Josh strode into the bullpen full of purpose. He would get Donna to tell him who this gomer of hers was. All he had to do was trick her into revealing it.

He greeted Donna with his usual “Good morning” as he sauntered past her desk into his office, knowing that she would follow right behind him.

“And how are you on this fine morning, Donnatella?” Josh grinned at her.

She looked at him strangely. “I’m fine. Considering it’s 80’clock on a Sunday morning and I’m at work.”

“That’s good to here.”

“Actually, Josh? There’s something I wanted to talk to you about…” Donna told him hesitantly.

Well, that was easier than I imagined.

Josh hadn’t even thought about Donna actually coming to him and telling him about her latest catch.

“I know that I’m meant to give you notice on these things but can I leave the office early today?” she asked him.

What? She wasn’t supposed to say that. Leave early? It was unheard of! What possible reason could she have for leaving early?

The gomer.

It was him. He was taking Donnatella away.

“No, I’ll need you here, to help with the thing.” Josh told her coldly.

“Please.” Donna began to pout, “I promise, I’ll even start early tomorrow AND stay back late.”

“Well tomorrow isn’t any use to me. I need you today.” Josh told her harshly.

“What is your problem? It’s just one afternoon! I stay late every night, I work Sundays AND all holidays…”

“Well that’s what happens when you have a job working in the White House.”

“No. No it’s not. No other assistant has to work the hours I work. Not even Margaret. So don’t pull that crap with me. Okay, let me tell you how it is. I’m leaving today, a four sharp and there’s nothing you can do about it!” Donna shouted before storming out of his office.

Josh sank back down into his chair. That hadn’t gone exactly as planned. He’d just been a complete bastard to one of his closest friends and in doing it hadn’t even found out anything about the latest gomer.

He’d have to think of something else.


Crouching low, Josh tried to keep his breathing as quiet as possible.

Okay, so it’s wasn’t the most intelligent thing he’d even done, but he had no choice. Donna had refused to speak to him all day, so there was no way that she would be revealing anytime soon, who her date for the night was.

This was why Josh had had to pull out the big guns. It was the only way.

Hiding under the counter in the kitchen and listening to Donna’s conversation where she was sitting at the front table in the mess with Ginger.

“So Bonnie tells me that you think Dennis is the one. Is it true? I can’t believe that you can tell so soon.” Josh heard Ginger say.

“I know, I know. It’s a little fast. But I know in my heart, that Dennis is the one for me. He doesn’t yell at me or make me stay late…” Donna began to rant.

“Not like a certain boss?” Ginger smirked at her.

“Let’s not talk about my ogre of a boss. Let’s focus on happier things, like Dennis.” Donna sighed blissfully.

That was all Josh needed to hear. Moving out from under the counter, ignoring the pain in his head, from where he had hit it, after jumping up so fast, he marched out of the kitchen and into the mess. Locating Donna, he grabbed her arm and began to pull her along with him, as he marched into his office.

“Josh, what the hell is the matter with you? Let me go!” Donna shrieked at him.

“You and I have some talking to do.” Was all he responded, as he continued to drag her through the halls until they reached his office.

Pausing in the doorway, he had enough manners to step to the side and allow her to enter the room first.

“What was that about? Do you know how embarrassing that was for me, being dragged around by my boss? I’m not some toy that you can treat however you want Joshua!” she yelled at him, eyes blazing.

But Josh didn’t acknowledge any of it.

“Who’s Dennis?”

“What?” Donna stopped her rant to stare at him. “Dennis? You mean, that’s what all this was about?”

“Who is he?” Josh stared at her undeterred.

“Have you been listening to my conversations Josh?” Donna had her fists clenched by her sides, her knuckles turning white from the tightness and Josh flinched, just thinking about the damage she would do to him if she actually decided to act upon her emotions and strike him.

“This is all because you’re jealous of my new computer?”

“Yes. I think I have the right to know when my friend and assistant is going out with some gomer, who she has decided is ‘’the one’ and sooooo much better that her evil boss who sucks the happiness out of everything!” Josh roared at her.

Donna just stood there staring at him, waiting.

“Wait.” Josh frowned puzzled, “Did you say…?”

“Computer?” Donna asked him glaring, “Yes, I did. That’s why I wanted to leave early today. I’m getting a new computer and I wanted to go pick it up this afternoon.”

“Is the guy at the shop cute?” Josh asked her puzzled.

Donna’s mouth fell open “I really don’t know Josh, and to tell you the truth I don’t care. Besides this is NONE of your business. I didn’t tell you about Dennis the COMPUTER because I knew that you would think it was stupid getting worked up over a machine. But I have been saving for this for so long, and he really is the perfect computer. Not that you deserve to know any of this, after the way you’ve been treating me.”

“Dennis is your computer?” Josh asked her eyes wide.

Donna couldn’t help but let a giggle escape. “Yes Josh, he is.” With that she turned and walked out of the room. Josh remained glued to the spot, shocked that he had been so wrong.

A few minutes later, Donna was back in his doorway, this time wearing her coat and carrying her purse.

“Josh?” she spoke getting his attention, “I’m leaving now, you know, to pick up my new GOMER and so that I don’t kill you with a pen. I’ll come in early tomorrow morning, just like I promised, and when I get here I expect there to be a large chocolate chip muffin sitting on my desk as an apology.” With a quick grin she was gone.


The next morning Donna entered the office and made her way to her desk. A smile spread across her face when she saw what was sitting there.

A large chocolate chip muffin, a hot coffee and a new mouse pad, along with a note that said:

“For your first date with Dennis.”

In honour of:

Name your PC day – November 20

For all the pleasure (and pain) your computer gives you. It’s time you gave it a cool name.

Back to more "days"

All stories by 
Unless otherwise stated none of these characters belong to me. All creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).