Bring on the Banter

A Pirate's Life for Me
The West Wing

“Ahoy, there!”


"Drink up me hearties!"

"Smartly, me lass."

“Grrrr, Argh”

“No, that wasn’t quite right. You need to put more emphasis on the ‘Gr’ and you’re rolling your R’s too much.”

“Oh, okay. How about this? Grrrrr!”

“Much better.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Ahoy there, me hearties!”

“Shiver me timbers!”

“Do you think that perhaps we should be singing sea shanties?”

“Do you know any?”


“Me neither.”

“Oh, well I guess that we can skip them this year. But we’ll have to make sure that we've learnt some by this time next year.”


Josh walked dejectedly into Leo’s office, collapsing haphazardly onto the nearest chair. Leo watched him in silence for a minute before speaking.

“You do realise that this is all your fault, don’t you?”

Josh looked up, startled. “My fault? What are you blaming me for? I had nothing to do with this!”

“This has your name written all over it.” Josh cringed, not used to being under the full wrath of Leo’s glare.

Desperately he tried to defend himself. “My name -? What! Leo! It’s her! Completely her! I’ve been trying to stop it, but she just won’t let up!”

Leo’s shoulders slumped as he acknowledged what Josh was saying. He let out a long breath before speaking again.

“I know. It’s the same with Margaret.”

“All week…”

The two men sighed at the same time, Leo rubbing his head in frustration and Josh closing his eyes briefly, allowing his head to rest momentarily against him arm.

“Well what are we going to do about it?” Leo asked his deputy finally.

“Do? There’s nothing I can do. As soon as I try and say anything to stop her she begins to call me ‘bilge rat’ or ‘land lubber’!” Josh looked pained. “And I can’t even begin to tell you how many times she’s called me a ‘scurvy dog’!”

“I can’t say that you don’t deserve whatever she calls you. After all, this is entirely your fault!”

“What, Leo! I’ve already told you. It’s Donna, not me! I’m just a scurvy dog!”

“Yes, your assistant may have started this whole mess, but I like Donna, so I’m blaming you instead.”

“You can’t do that! And anyway, it wasn’t Donna that started this nonsense; in fact it was YOUR assistant!” Josh accused, jumping out of his chair in outrage.

“Margaret? No, my assistant would never…. MARGARET!”

Margaret appeared at the door in a fluster.

“Who started this? Was it you or DONNA?” Leo asked her, emphasizing Donna’s name, none to subtely, while glaring at her.

Josh began to protest but stopped as Leo’s glower turned in his direction.

“Well? Which of you was it that started this ridiculous notion of speaking like pirates?”

Margaret’s eyes were wide and she was wringing her hands nervously in front of her as she opened her mouth to speak.

Suddenly a booming voice called out at the opposite side of the room.

“Well me hearties, let’s see what crawled out of the bung hole!”

Leo closed his, as if in pain, fists clenched tightly at his side. Getting his emotions under control, he looked up at the newcomer in the room and greeted him.

“Mr President.”


In honour of:

‘International Talk like a Pirate Day’ – September 19

Below is a summary of Dave Barry’s 2002 article ‘Arrrrr! Talk like a pirate -- or prepare to be boarded’, which helps explain how it all began…

John Baur and Mark Summers, came up with this idea a few years ago while playing racquetball. As so often happens, they began talking like pirates. And then it struck them: Why not have a day when EVERYBODY talks like a pirate? They decided that the logical day would be Sept. 19, because that -- as you are no doubt aware -- is Summers' ex-wife's birthday.

To prepare for Talk Like a Pirate Day, you should practice incorporating pirate terminology into your everyday speech.

Talking like a pirate will infuse your everyday conversations with romance and danger. So join the movement! On Sept. 19, do not answer the phone with ''hello.'' Answer the phone with ''Ahoy me hearty!'' If the caller objects that he is not a hearty, inform him that he is a scurvy dog (or, if the caller is female, a scurvy female dog).

For more info visit –

Back to more "days"

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Unless otherwise stated none of these characters belong to me. All creative rights to the characters belong to their original creator(s).