Bring on the Banter

I'm Listening

The West Wing

Two white house staffers decide that they need professional help to settle their office dispute. *West Wing/Frasier crossover*


Title: "I'm listening"

Author: miss jasadin

Rating: G

X-over: West Wing / Frasier

Summary: Two white house staffers decide that they need professional help to settle their office dispute.


"This is Doctor Frasier Crane and you're listening to the 'Dr Frasier Crane Show'."

"and Ros, who is our first caller?"

"On line one, we have Danniela, from Washington DC"

"Hello, Danniela. I'm listening."

"Hi, Doctor Crane. I'm actually calling about a problem that I'm having with one of my colleagues at work."

"Well, trust me when I say, that you're not the first person to have difficulties with the people you work with. Am I right Ros?"


"Well, Ros is glaring at me right now, so let's move on. So Danniela, what can you tell us about this colleague of yours?"

"Well, actually he's my boss. The thing is that he's taking over my life. I mean I love my work and I understand that I have to work long hours, but he's going so far that he's even begun sabotaging my dates!"

"What exactly is your job, Danniela?"

"Well, I can't actually disclose that, you see... Let's just say... Well, I'm his assistant."

"Okay, I'm going to have to be blunt with you here Danniela. Has your boss ever made any sexual advances to you?"

"Oh no, he'd never do anything like that."

"Oh, well that's good at least."

"Oh, I'm sorry Doctor Crane. I have to go. That's my boss calling now. Thanks, bye."

"Well, that was sudden. Oh well, let's move on to our next caller. Jonathon? I'm listening."

"Hi, Doctor. I'm also ringing about a work related problem. It's my assistant. She refuses to do her job like she is supposed to."

"Well, have you spoken to her about it? Discussed what she's doing incorrectly?"

"Yes. Many, many times. She just ignores me."

"Then if she is not doing her job properly, have you thought about firing her or at least counseling her?&"

"Well, I fire her almost daily, but she says that she's impervious."

"My, my. Can you perhaps go to your superiors? Talk to them about your problem? What exactly is she doing wrong? Which duties do you feel that she is not fulfilling satisfactorily?"

"She doesn't bring me coffee, she insults me, she says that I have a big ego..."

"Well I'm not sure that her manner is appropriate for speaking to her supervisor, but surely bringing coffee is not an offence?"

"It is when I request it!"

"Okay. How about filing then? Typing? Other such jobs? How is her performance in this area?"

"Oh. She's brilliant. I don't think that I could survive without her!"

"So then... it's really just because she will not bring you coffee..?"

"Sorry Doctor Crane? I missed that. Oh, damn. I've got to go. She's able to unplug the pho-"

"Jonathon? No? Well, it seems that we have lost yet another caller. We'll be right back with the 'Dr Frasier Crane Show' right after this short ad break."


"We're back. This is Doctor Frasier Crane and Ros Doyle, waiting you your calls. Let's see. Our first caller is..."

"Hi Doctor Crane"

"Hi Doctor"

"Goodmorning. Who is this?"

"Oh sorry. It's Donn- I mean, Danniela and my boss"


"Ahhh yes. Nice to see you both back with us, after our earlier conversations were cut short. So let's see if we can get to the bottom of this problem. Danniela, you feel that Jonathon is taking over your life. Jonathon, you feel that Danniela is not fulfilling her duties as your assistant."

"What! Not fulfilling my duties? I go above and beyond the call of a normal assistant. What about when you got out of hospital? Who was the one who stayed with you every night, nursing you back to health?"

"No. I know, you were fantastic. It's just cof-'

"So help me if you are about to say 'coffee', I will scream!"

"Well, every other assistant in the building brings their boss coffee!"

"Well, I'm not every other assistant!"

"Don't I know it.."

"What was that..?"

"Excuse me? If I may interrupt for a second, it appears that we have another caller on the line and Ros here seems to feel that he may be able to enlighten you both on your current predicament."

"Hello, this is Frasier Crane. Who is this?"

"Hi Doctor. My name's Leonard."

"And what can we do for you Leonard?"

"You see, Doctor. I have this problem. I have just discovered that two of my staff have spent almost the entire morning on the telephone talking to a radio psychiatrist, instead of performing the jobs I pay them to do. What do you suggest I do, Doctor?"

"Well, I ..."

"Personally, I was thinking about calling the radio station myself and then disclosing their names on national radio, followed by calling them to my office and firing them on the spot!

All I can say for sure is that is they aren't back at their desks and working in five seconds, they won't have jobs to come too tomorrow morning."


"Well, it appears that both Danniela and Jonathon have hung up."

"Thank you, Doctor. You've been a great help. Just one last question."


"You hadn't yet given them your professional opinion, had you?"

"No, unfortunately they hung up before I was able to share my thoughts on the matter."

"Good, good. Just two more years Doctor, that's all I ask. And trust me. If they haven't figured it out themselves by then, I will personally be making a call to you. Thank you."

"Well, it's been an eventful morning. I'm Doctor Frasier Crane"

"and I'm Ros Doyle"

"You're listening to KACL talkback radio. We'll see you tomorrow morning same time, same place."

The End.

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